Same-Sex Marriage

On June 26^th On June 26^th 2015, the US Supreme Court ruled in a 5 to 4 vote that the US Constitution guarantees the right for same-sex marriage in all 50 states. News stations and social media went wild announcing the news to America. “Love wins” and “equality for all” were expressed in all different fonts across various formats. Personally, my Facebook newsfeed was exploding with rainbows. My belief about marriage being a man and a woman still held firm.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints also issued a document on June 26^th, 2015 in regards to the Supreme Court ruling:

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints acknowledges that following today's ruling by the Supreme Court, same-sex marriages are now legal in the United States. The Court's decision does not alter the Lord's doctrine that marriage is a union between a man and a woman ordained by God. While showing respect for those who think differently, the Church will continue to teach and promote marriage between a man and a woman as a central part of our doctrine and practice” (http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/supreme-court-decision-will-not-alter-doctrine-on-marriage)

I have always believed, and will always believe, that marriage should be between a man and a woman. In recent years I have found that there seems to be a decreasing number of people who believe in traditional marriage. In my government class in high school as a Senior, when I raised my hand in support of traditional marriage I found that I was virtually alone in my beliefs. People at my high school called same-sex marriage the new civil rights movement and scoffed at those who thought marriage should be otherwise. I have read countless arguments on social media websites between the advocates for traditional marriage and those who oppose it. The opposition usually declares their position boldly and makes pointed comments to the believers of traditional marriage as people of ignorance, inequality or haters. I was called a “homophobe” and looked down upon because of what I believe in.

The traditional marriage advocates seem to be few and far between and drowned out by the better part of society because of how acceptable same-sex relations and behavior is being portrayed. Same-sex behavior is flaunted loud and proud across tv shows, movie screens, news channels, and social media websites. People talk about gays and gayness as loudly and as often as possible. In the article entitled “The Overhauling of Straight America,” it states: “almost any behavior begins to look normal if you are exposed to enough of it at close quarters and among your acquaintances. The acceptability of the new behavior will ultimately hinge on the number of one's fellows doing it or accepting it. One may be offended by its novelty at first--many, in times past, were momentarily scandalized by "streaking,'' eating goldfish, and premarital sex. But as long as Joe Six-pack feels little pressure to perform likewise, and as long as the behavior in question presents little threat to his physical and financial security, he soon gets used to it and life goes on. The skeptic may still shake his head and think ‘people arc crazy these days,’ but over time his objections are likely to become more reflective, more philosophical, less emotional” (Krik & Madsen, 1987).

Let me just point out that I know that there are some advocates for traditional marriage who may belittle those who oppose it. However, I personally have seen much more belittlement of those who do not agree with same-sex marriage. While, I am not an advocate for same-sex marriage I do not belittle or demean those who are. One of my best friends in high school was gay and I did not treat him any differently or like him any less because of his sexual orientation. For those who believe in same-sex marriage I am not trying to change your opinions. I know that everyone has the gift of agency and none of us can force anyone to change his or her mind or do anything at all. However, I am asking that we become more civil, more understand and less judgmental. It is not my place to tell you to stop shouting support for gay marriage from the rooftops but it is my right to ask you to not call me as ignorant, old-fashion or full of hate just because I am standing up for what I believe in just the same as you are.

In the news article: “The Divine Institution of Marriage” published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it says: “Many advocates of same-sex marriage argue that traditional standards of sexual morality have changed and that “tolerance” requires that these new standards be recognized and codified in law. If tolerance is defined as showing kindness for others and respect for differing viewpoints, it is an important value in all democratic societies. But as Elder Dallin H. Oaks has observed, ‘Tolerance does not require abandoning one’s standards or one’s opinions on political or public policy choices. Tolerance is a way of reacting to diversity, not a command to insulate it from examination.’

In addition to using the argument of tolerance to advocate redefining marriage, proponents have advanced the argument of “equality before the law.” No mortal law, however, can override or nullify the moral standards established by God. Nor can the laws of men change the natural, innate differences between the genders or deny the close biological and social link between procreation and marriage.” (http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/the-divine-institution-of-marriage).

Why do I think that marriage should be between a man and a woman?  I stand true to these thoughts: “Strong, stable families, headed by a father and mother, are the anchor of society. When marriage is undermined by gender confusion and by distortions of its God-given meaning, the rising generation of children and youth will find it increasingly difficult to develop their natural identities as men or women. Some will find it more difficult to engage in wholesome courtships, form stable marriages, and raise another generation imbued with moral strength and purpose” (http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/the-divine-institution-of-marriage).

I believe that marriage is not just about the desires and thoughts of the individuals involved in the ceremony. I know that a marital union affects their friends and family members. It affects their children and their children’s children down through generations. Most importantly, I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman because it is commandment from God. 

Why marriage?

Why Marriage? 

In a world that is moving rapidly toward individualism and where divorce is common, a question that is often asked is: why marriage? If my marriage is likely going to end in divorce, why get married at all? A friend of mine once told me that she planned to live with a guy for a few years before deciding if she wanted to marry him or not. "I want to see if we are compatible," she had said matter-of-factly. She also expressed how she wanted to be at least in her mid twenties before deciding to live with someone. Beyond that she also questioned if she would even get married at all. "I don't really see the point in getting married." She came from a divorced family and knew all too well the pains that divorce can bring. For her, the prospect of marriage was scary because it could end just like her parent's marriage had ended. The affect of divorce on her was something that she did not want her future children to go through or that she wanted to experience either. My friend is not alone in her ideas. Surely no one is happy about divorce, at least not when they are married initially. We currently live in a society where divorce is common and easier to obtain than it has been before. Marriage has become increasingly focused on solely the two adults involved in the ceremony, without much thought to the affect their union has on current and future generations. In addition, marriage is a form of commitment in which the world seems to shy away from, claiming an easier and more interesting life in living the life of singlehood. 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said in his 2007 talk entitled Divorce: "The weakening of the concept that marriages are permanent and precious has far-reaching consequences. Influenced by their own parents’ divorce or by popular notions that marriage is a ball and chain that prevents personal fulfillment, some young people shun marriage. Many who marry withhold full commitment, poised to flee at the first serious challenge." 

Unfortunately, those who choose to marry and then see it as something from which to run from when the first sight of a problem arise, affect more than just themselves. Oftentimes, there are children involved who must now suffer the consequences of their parent’s wrongdoings. Elder Oaks goes on to say that: “.-modern prophets have warned that looking upon marriage “as a mere contract that may be entered into at pleasure … and severed at the first difficulty … is an evil meriting severe condemnation,” especially where children are made to suffer.”

So, it would seem the best option to avoid that kind of condemnation would be to not get married at all, right? Wrong. In the Family: A Proclamation to the World it states: “ Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (1995).

 Elder David A. Bednar another member of the the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints once taught: “This keynote sentence of the proclamation teaches us much about the doctrinal significance of marriage and emphasizes the primacy of marriage and family in the Father’s plan. Righteous marriage is a commandment and an essential step in the process of creating a loving family relationship that can be perpetuated beyond the grave” (2006).

My husband and I have discussed that divorce is not an option. We know that marriage is essential to God’s eternal plan. We know that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that it is the best place to bring children into the world and raise them in love and righteousness.

Elder Oaks taught: “I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation…The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through “hanging out” or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behavior in a variety of circumstances. Fiancés should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage. In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection” (2007).

So, why marriage? Because it is an unselfish sacrifice. Because it brings you closer to God. Because it is ordained of God and because it is essential to God's eternal plan. Marriage is not always easy. It is something that requires constant effort and a renewal of commitment everyday. I am grateful for marriage. This is why I choose marriage and I wouldn't have it any other way.