Why marriage?

Why Marriage? 

In a world that is moving rapidly toward individualism and where divorce is common, a question that is often asked is: why marriage? If my marriage is likely going to end in divorce, why get married at all? A friend of mine once told me that she planned to live with a guy for a few years before deciding if she wanted to marry him or not. "I want to see if we are compatible," she had said matter-of-factly. She also expressed how she wanted to be at least in her mid twenties before deciding to live with someone. Beyond that she also questioned if she would even get married at all. "I don't really see the point in getting married." She came from a divorced family and knew all too well the pains that divorce can bring. For her, the prospect of marriage was scary because it could end just like her parent's marriage had ended. The affect of divorce on her was something that she did not want her future children to go through or that she wanted to experience either. My friend is not alone in her ideas. Surely no one is happy about divorce, at least not when they are married initially. We currently live in a society where divorce is common and easier to obtain than it has been before. Marriage has become increasingly focused on solely the two adults involved in the ceremony, without much thought to the affect their union has on current and future generations. In addition, marriage is a form of commitment in which the world seems to shy away from, claiming an easier and more interesting life in living the life of singlehood. 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said in his 2007 talk entitled Divorce: "The weakening of the concept that marriages are permanent and precious has far-reaching consequences. Influenced by their own parents’ divorce or by popular notions that marriage is a ball and chain that prevents personal fulfillment, some young people shun marriage. Many who marry withhold full commitment, poised to flee at the first serious challenge." 

Unfortunately, those who choose to marry and then see it as something from which to run from when the first sight of a problem arise, affect more than just themselves. Oftentimes, there are children involved who must now suffer the consequences of their parent’s wrongdoings. Elder Oaks goes on to say that: “.-modern prophets have warned that looking upon marriage “as a mere contract that may be entered into at pleasure … and severed at the first difficulty … is an evil meriting severe condemnation,” especially where children are made to suffer.”

So, it would seem the best option to avoid that kind of condemnation would be to not get married at all, right? Wrong. In the Family: A Proclamation to the World it states: “ Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (1995).

 Elder David A. Bednar another member of the the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints once taught: “This keynote sentence of the proclamation teaches us much about the doctrinal significance of marriage and emphasizes the primacy of marriage and family in the Father’s plan. Righteous marriage is a commandment and an essential step in the process of creating a loving family relationship that can be perpetuated beyond the grave” (2006).

My husband and I have discussed that divorce is not an option. We know that marriage is essential to God’s eternal plan. We know that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that it is the best place to bring children into the world and raise them in love and righteousness.

Elder Oaks taught: “I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation…The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through “hanging out” or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behavior in a variety of circumstances. Fiancés should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage. In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection” (2007).

So, why marriage? Because it is an unselfish sacrifice. Because it brings you closer to God. Because it is ordained of God and because it is essential to God's eternal plan. Marriage is not always easy. It is something that requires constant effort and a renewal of commitment everyday. I am grateful for marriage. This is why I choose marriage and I wouldn't have it any other way.