Turning towards each other

       

       This week I have the wonderful opportunity of attending World Congress of Families IX in Salt Lake City, Utah. The World Congress of Families is a international pro-family gathering. I have learned so much this week I don’t even know where to begin…

      To stay on topic with the reading of this week, I will talk about what I have learned at the conference concerning the marital relationship and spouses’ turning towards each other. In a millennial panel at the conference, one young woman pointed out the reason why she thought that marriage was on the decline for millennia’s because they do not have an idea of what marriage could be. We really never know who is watching us and how many people we have impacted in our lives. We can make a difference in being an example to young and old people alike, in exemplifying what marriage can be like.

       Another speaker at the conference talked about how her seven-year-old daughter will make disgusted faces when she kissed her husband. However, one day her daughter told her that she knows she always acts disgusted when her and daddy kiss but she wished she would kiss daughter more.

It is hard for me to stay mad at my husband when he wraps his arms around me. The relationship I have with my husband is founded on friendship. I have a long way to go in becoming the wife I want to be, but I know that what I need to focus on is getting a little better each day. I know that as we turn towards our spouses, we will be happier, healthier and be a better example to those around us. John Gottman once said: "Build bridges, not walls." May we all have the opportunity to turn towards our spouse.

Liking the one you love

Friedrich Nietzsche once said: “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

Friendship in a marriage is so important. It is the foundation for which love can grow. It is not enough that we marry out best friend, but that we continue to nurture and build upon our friendships every day.

Instead of persevering through the troubles in one relationship, sometimes people are tempted to end the relationship and jump to the next one, which will no doubt also have its fair share of troubles. There is no doubt that marriage requires effort. It requires both you and your spouse to give their 100 percent. It is often easy to judge and place blame on your spouse for disagreements in a marriage. However, it is important to remember that we should be instead focusing our efforts on improving ourselves.

A few weeks ago a wise older lady gave me some wonderful advice. She suggested praying for your spouse every night. Pray for his safety, his health, and his comfort. Offer a prayer of gratitude for your spouse for the person that he is. This advice may seem like nothing major. I already prayed from my husband’s safety, health and comfort. However, I realized that I did not express much prayers of gratitude for him. After I was given this advice, I took it to heart. As I prayed more fervently on behalf of my husband I noticed that I was able to see him a bit more through God’s eyes. I gained a greater love and appreciation for him. Any resentment I had toward him during the day simply vanished and I was able to crawl into bed after prayers with my heart full of love for my husband. 
I would
 love to shares some pictures of me and my best friend.

Marriage is such a wonderful thing. It isn’t always easy, but no good things are ever easy. Marriage requires work. It is something that we can be proud of, that needs nurturing. It requires love, respect and forgiveness.

Marriage; the unselfish sacrifice

In his 2008 Conference address, Elder Russell M. Nelson, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “Mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in a marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concerted effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed if each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness” (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/celestial-marriage?lang=eng)

I could not agree more with Elder Nelson. Marriage does in fact involve two imperfect people. Happiness and harmony in married life requires earnest, daily effort.  Above all else, marriage is about putting the needs of someone else above our own.

In all marriages- as with everything we experience in this life- there will be ups and downs.  Disagreements come, like rain, threatening to ruin a perfectly sunny day. Disagreements in a marriage consist of many things. They range in importance and severity. In his book entitled: The seven principles for making marriage work, John Gottman explained four devastating attacks spouses use in arguments. He appropriately names these four deadly actions as the: “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” (1999, p. 27). 
The Four Horsemen are listed below:

1.    Criticism

2.    Contempt

3.    Defensiveness

4.    Stonewalling

Gottman’s book goes on to say explain that having disagreements in a marriage do not doom a marriage to fail. However, it is in the ways in which we deal with our arguments that matter the most (1999). 

Marriage, then, isn’t about avoiding the storms that roll in, but learning how to get through them together. Repair attempts are mechanisms that help a couple repair a speed bump that has hurt their relationship (Gottman, 1999).  I like to think of repair mechanisms as holding an umbrella in a rainstorm. The rain may be inevitable, but that doesn’t mean you have to get wet.

I have a strong testimony of the importance of marriages. I have not been married long-and I know I have a lot to learn-but I do know that marriages are hard work. They do require a constant, fervent effort. They are an unselfish union consisting of two imperfect people.  It may be hard at times, but I know that marriage is worth it. For after all, marriage is not our happily ever after, but it is merely the beginning of it.

Temple Marriages can be Eternal

Temple Marriage

Beginning since I was young, I learned about the importance of being married in the temple. My parents were married in the temple. They taught me about the importance of being married and sealed in the temple. From that young age I made the temple my goal. As I grew up, my desire to get married in the temple only increased. I loved the spirit I felt inside the temple. I know that temples are the House of the Lord. I could not think of anywhere more important, more eternal and more beautiful to be married in.

       Last year I reached my goal. I was married and sealed for time and all eternity in the Seattle, Washington temple to my best friend. No words of “to death to us part” were uttered during the ceremony because that day we were promised the ability to be together forever if we continued righteous, endured to the end and kept our sacred temple covenants.

        Walking out of the temple with my hand clasped tightly together with my new husband, we exited the temple doors and entered into the crowd of our family and friends. My husband took the liberty of pumping his fist in the air. If there hadn’t been the promise of pictures soon afterward, I think I may have cried. I was overwhelmed with joy. I had made my goal. I had been married in the Holy temple. And while I knew, a new chapter of my life was just beginning, and that challenges and temptations would surely come, in that moment everything was perfect. I had been married in the temple. I had remained worthy to enter into the house of the Lord to kneel at the altar across from a son of God who also kept himself worthy to make covenants that day to me and to the Lord. How grateful I am for loving parents, church leaders and dear friends who taught me about the temple. Who set a wonderful example to me and who guided me along the path to help me reach my goal. I am also most grateful for my Heavenly Father who helped me along the path and who continues to help me stay on the path when I make mistakes.

         The temple is the only place where we can be sealed to our companion and future children forever. Why is eternal marriage essential to God’s plan? Elder David A. Bednar gives two compelling doctrinal reasons as to why eternal marriage is essential to God’s plan.

·      Reason 1: “The natures of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation.”

·      Reason 2: “By divine design, both a man and a woman are needed to bring children into mortality and to provide the best setting for the rearing and nurturing of children.”

Elder Bednar closes his talk by saying: “The sweet and simple doctrine of the plan of happiness provides precious eternal perspectives and helps us understand the importance of eternal marriage” (https://app.box.com/embed/preview/onfgn50ke692o6eq0bqf4ozgptl7zsjm?theme=dark)

        I would like to add my testimony as to that of Elder Bednar. I know that eternal marriage is essential to God’s plan. Eternal marriage lasts beyond the grave. A temple marriage provides us with the way to live with our families forever. I can think of no greater blessing, or no greater goal than that of having a forever family. My new goal is to keep my temple covenants, to strive each day to be a better wife, daughter, future mother and person. For those of you who may not be married in the temple-you still have a chance. The Lord wants and is waiting to evoke the Heavenly blessings of an eternal marriage in his Holy House upon you. He will help you and guide you safety there.