Fidelity in Marriage

“Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word and deed.”

-President Howard W. Hunter Conference Report Oct. 1994

Fidelity in marriage is more than simply not cheating on your spouse. President Hunter put it best when he said: “Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage. Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed” (1994). 

More often than not, infidelity in marriage doesn’t happen all at once. Spouse’s don’t usually get out of bed in the morning with the intention to cheat on their spouse and destroy everything they hold dear. It happens little by little. In his book: “Drawing Heaven into your Marriage,” H. Wallace Goddard shares the slow and dangerous progression of unfaithfulness:

·      “Behaviors that seem innocent (i.e., missionary work, doing good, helping in some capacity)”

·      “An affection grows that claims part of one’s heart.”

·      “Extramarital flirting. Justification-‘no harm intended’”

·      “Relationship declared as ‘special’”

·      “Opportunities created to see ‘special friends’ (one worries what others will say/think)”

As Goddard points out, the path to unfaithfulness starts out small. Then it becomes bigger and bigger causing a need for them to justify their actions as harmless when in fact they are nothing but harmful.

I believe that just because we are married does not mean we cannot be friendly. It doesn’t mean that we can coexist with members of the opposite sex and even have friends of a different gender. I don’t think that marriage means that every conversation someone starts with us of the opposite sex we have to decode if it was flirting or not. I know that once I got married, my friends became my husbands friends and vice versa. We went on several group dates with other couples and we have a shared friend group that consists of other married people. I didn’t completely hang the old guy friends I had before I was married out to dry, either though. I talked to them occasionally, just not as often and I was always comfortable telling my husband about our conversations. My husband is the single most important man in my life and so I always make sure that he is the one I turn to for advice and support. I strive to always make sure that he is the one I turn to in times of need and no one else.

So how do we know if we are just being friendly or if we are on the first step on the progression to unfaithfulness? President Ezra Taft Benson gave a good rule for us to go by: “a good question to ask ourselves is this: would my spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this?” (Benson, 1987, p. 52).

I love my husband. He is my best friend and eternal companion. I do not want to ever let anyone or anything stand in the way of our progression in this life. I am thankful for the wise council of Prophets and church leaders that are divinely inspired in their guidance. I want to be better at following their prophetic wisdom and stay true to my spouse all the days of my life.